As you all know, dogs are pretty. I’ll kiss one. But that’s beside the point, because tomorrow Ian and I are “goin’ to Grundy” (that means mushroom hunting, for all you uneducated folk.) Ian just choreographed a “goin to Grundy” dance, which we will utilize in pillaging all the little mushroom villages across the great city of Dogtown. Dakota “Big Barker” Quinlivan, the well-reputed mayor of Dogtown, has issued a city-wide warning addressed to her fellow dogs about damaging the morel mushrooms in that area. Earlier today she was quoted as saying, “I will not have you savages trampling my tasty treats!” While she has few political enemies (her list of friends includes, cat ninja turned animal relations activist Freddy Krueger-Massey and Growley the Demon Carrier of Irongate) she is, at this point, rather unliked by her public.

“What the fuck is Dogtown?” shrugs one neighboring yorkie.

The so-called mayor is reputed to have a heart of gold, as well as nipples of steel and teeth of titanium.